Hey everyone,
Super serious post time again.
I realize that this one is going to step on some toes. Well, a lot of toes.
It'll probably make a lot of family members, friends in my hometown, and even quite a few passerby who happen to find their way to this page angry at me.
I assure you, this is not my intention, not in the slightest, but I feel like what I'm saying needs to be said, because there are some people I know (and some who don't) who have to know that there's support for them, someone who really cares.
This post is about Gay rights, and the reasoning for my position on them.
I was raised Roman Catholic all the way until about the middle of high school. My dad is a Methodist who doesn't ever go to church, and my mom is a practicing Catholic. I stopped going to church around my Junior year because there were a lot of things that I disagreed with, and found my own version of religion after that. For those of you who are interested in that, it'll be in the next post.
I am very FOR Gay rights, folks.
I'm sorry if this offends you, especially my family members who I know will wholeheartedly disapprove of this proclamation, but I feel that I'd rather have your disapproval than take away the chance of some person who needs these words to read what I have to say. In the age of the Facebook "share" button and lightning-speed communication, I realize that my words could change someone's life for the better.
Gay rights is the main reason I stopped going to church. There are a few other, more insignificant reasons, but without the whole gay rights disagreement, I'd probably still be a practicing Catholic because they aren't near enough to "quit" a religion I'd been raised in my whole life. During high school, when I met more gay people and ended up befriending quite a few of them through me being in Speech team/Music/Theatre (my family jokes that I'm friends with over half of the gay men in Nebraska), I decided that I couldn't go to a church and practice a belief system where I so strongly disagree with one of tenets that is so important to so many people.
I believe that homosexuality is NOT a sin, that Gays should have the right to be married and have children just like the rest of us, and that God loves everyone.
For those of you who truly think that "God Hates Fags" (Westboro followers and your like, I'm preaching to you here), did you hear that? GOD LOVES EVERYONE.
Does this really need to be explained? Everyone means EVERYONE. All the time. Love isn't just sometimes, folks, and everyone doesn't have an asterisk and a warning in fine print saying "Some restrictions apply." It's an unconditional, unbreakable contract that we have with the big guy upstairs, and it goes for all of us. Period.
Being Gay or Lesbian or Bisexual or a Transgender is NOT a choice. They're starting to get scientific proof in that direction.
The whole reason I'm even writing about this at all is because of a close friend of mine. You know who you are, and this is for you.
I have a very close friend who told me once that he wanted to kill himself for being gay and feeling the way he felt, because he knew his parents would never approve, and maybe even disown him. I'm one of the only people who knows his secret, but he agreed to let me use his words as long as I didn't use his name.
He told me that there was no reason he would ever choose to be in the one group of American citizens that didn't have all their rights, and that he would never wish this on anyone. Ever. He told me that being gay was the worst thing that had ever happened to him, and he wishes every day that he could change this part of himself.
Why should he have to feel that way? Why should anybody have to feel that way? To feel like they have to keep such a large part of their identity secret? That if they love someone, their love is somehow not as valid as mine, just because I'm straight?
That is wrong to me. So wrong. He's one of the nicest guys I've ever known, and if this is a universe where someone's love truly doesn't mean as much as mine, that's just horribly twisted.
I just want to say I'm sorry to all of the Gays who have ever been discriminated against or treated badly just because you decided to show people who you really are, and take the risk of letting people know what kind of person you're looking for. I want to let you know that there are a lot less bigoted, small-minded people out there than you think, and a lot of us feel that what you're going through just to have the basic human emotion of love validated in the eyes of the government and of others is ridiculous.
I want to say sorry to all the Gays who feel like they can't let anybody know who they really are because they feel unsafe or that no one will love them if they do so.
I want to say sorry to all the Gays who read this post because I feel like I can't ever apologize enough to you for what you're going through, and because I can't relate. I'm so sorry that these are battles that will sometimes have to be fought on your own. I'm so sorry that I can't give each and every one of you a hug and tell you that you're beautiful for who you are, and that it doesn't matter one little bit who you love.
I feel like the war against discrimination is just getting too long. It needs to end. People need to learn how to love each other, and be ok with other peoples' life choices. I feel that if you disagree with Gays getting married, fine, but don't try to take away their rights because this is supposed to be a non-secular government. We did it to women and minorities, and now we've found another group that people dislike because they're "different." This is really just ludicrous to me, especially since this is supposed to be the land of the free.
I'm sorry to everyone I've offended, but this message is just so much more important to me than peoples' opinions of me, and I won't take it back.
I feel that this song, "Hold on to What You Believe" by Mumford & Sons says it a lot better than I can. It's much more eloquent, and the words and music are just beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VI8-6aXsFA
With love,
Gilmore
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Livin' La Vida Loca.
Hi there, oh surfer of the internet!
For all of you who've been wondering how I'm doing, I've been just dandy. A little more sleep would be nice, but, I'm none the worse for wear.
So, for those who have been wondering how it was and what I was up to over spring break (even though it's a week late), here it is.
I went four-wheeling with two of my best friends in Nebraska National Forest. It was fantastic. The forest was beautiful, as were the wonderful young women I got to go with. We had a campfire (which is the best way to cook food), went hot-tubbing, had a picnic near the river, parked a trailer poorly numerous times, got wind-burned, used some sketchy port-a-potties, ate way too much junk food, and enjoyed our time together with very poor cell phone reception. There are pictures on Facebook.
That's pretty much it.
My life has been pretty cool lately though, I wrote my first small orchestral score and sequenced it all by myself earlier this week for filmscoring, and my professor liked it enough that he didn't make me do any revisions, which is really rare for that class.
I'm also writing a huge orchestral filmscore for one of the student films at the film school here. I really like that we get to collaborate on things like this with other programs and majors, especially since I know that most schools don't have anything similar to this type of collaboration between programs and classes at all. The film that I'm scoring is a comedy, it'll be pretty slapstick and 50's-esque, and I'm really excited to work on it.
Also, from that class, I just did a recording session for one of my previous scores for piano trio. For my non-music major friends, a piano trio is a piano, a violin, and cello. The instrumentalists were AMAZING. They sightread all four of our scores in less than 3 hours, and just nailed it. The digital/audio recording class recorded it for us, so it should be really high quality, and I'm pretty excited to add it to my portfolio.
AND, I'm getting really really close to completely finishing the trombone duet I'm working on, and I should be able to finish my string bass/piano duet within the next few weeks. Which is super exciting, I cut it pretty close with finishing my project last semester, so I'm hoping these projects will be done well before the semester ends so I can get feedback on whatever I decide to work on next. We'll see how that all works out though. Between my projects and filmscoring, I'll have written probably 4x more music than I wrote last semester at the very least, so I'm really glad that I'm getting faster and more productive. Plus, it teaches me how to work on more than one piece of music at once; a necessity in the real world of composers when people actually start hiring you for stuff. This all means that I just seem to keep getting busier and busier, but, hey, a busy musician is always a lot happier than one who has no work, projects, and nothing to do.
By the way, this could possibly be my last post from my current laptop. I finally caved and got a Mac. My mom found one for rather cheap, and I'm extremely excited, because I can go buy cool programs like Logic and whatnot that aren't available for PC. What makes me really excited about this is that I'll be able to do some sequencing stuff from the comfort of my dorm room, and I can continue doing student films with it (hopefully) even when my filmscoring class ends at the end of the semester so I can add cool things like that to my portfolio, too. Plus, I have 2 years to pay it off without interest, and am hoping to pay it off by the end of the summer since I'll be working. So, yeah, I'm a pretty happy camper right now. I got the insurance on it that'll even cover a nuclear bomb hitting my computer, so, no matter what I do to it, it should be OK even in my technologically incapable hands.
What I'm getting at with all of this is: Holy crud, I have so many awesome opportunities here that I don't even know what to do with myself. I mean, I know it's a lot of work, and yeah, I don't get paid... BUT, when people keep telling me not to write all this music for free, I feel like I'm really getting a lot out of it. At the very least, I get to add a new original score to my portfolio (which, by the way, having a large, diverse portfolio tends to make grad schools and future employers happy) and at the very most, I sometimes get really awesome, high-quality recordings from some of my fellow awesome, high-quality musicians, and they do that for free for me, too. It's really a win-win.
Plus, I get to write music, which is the greatest gift of all of this. It's just so darn fun sometimes, especially when I'm inspired, and getting to be in an environment where people are willing to bring it to life for me is stinkin' awesome.
I mean, I know this is what undergraduate is for, but, I really don't know what I'm going to end up focusing on compositionally. I really like jazz, performing jazz, and writing for it, so that would be a really cool option... But I've fallen so completely in love with this filmscoring thing, that part of me wants to move to L.A. when I'm done with this and try to make it there. Another part of me wants to go on to get my masters somewhere in Europe (probably the U.K.) and write for orchestra, because I've had a lot of fun writing for it lately. There's a whole bunch of stuff that I'm still interested in, so, I'm just having a hard time deciding what to do. But, hey, I still have a few more years, and I might find something else really cool which will make my decision harder, or I might actually make up my mind. Who knows? It's all part of the adventure, and part of the reason I think composing is so cool. The options are just completely limitless.
So, there it is, my life for the past few weeks. It's been going pretty great, and I'm going to get some sleep now because I don't really do enough of that.
Goodnight!
With love,
Gilmore
P.S. Today's song of the day is...
Below my Feet by Mumford and Sons. It isn't on any of their current albums, but it's super beautiful and I just recently finished arranging a cover to it that I have a lot of fun doing. The link below is to the best version I could find. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHnGJvYmQKg
For all of you who've been wondering how I'm doing, I've been just dandy. A little more sleep would be nice, but, I'm none the worse for wear.
So, for those who have been wondering how it was and what I was up to over spring break (even though it's a week late), here it is.
I went four-wheeling with two of my best friends in Nebraska National Forest. It was fantastic. The forest was beautiful, as were the wonderful young women I got to go with. We had a campfire (which is the best way to cook food), went hot-tubbing, had a picnic near the river, parked a trailer poorly numerous times, got wind-burned, used some sketchy port-a-potties, ate way too much junk food, and enjoyed our time together with very poor cell phone reception. There are pictures on Facebook.
That's pretty much it.
My life has been pretty cool lately though, I wrote my first small orchestral score and sequenced it all by myself earlier this week for filmscoring, and my professor liked it enough that he didn't make me do any revisions, which is really rare for that class.
I'm also writing a huge orchestral filmscore for one of the student films at the film school here. I really like that we get to collaborate on things like this with other programs and majors, especially since I know that most schools don't have anything similar to this type of collaboration between programs and classes at all. The film that I'm scoring is a comedy, it'll be pretty slapstick and 50's-esque, and I'm really excited to work on it.
Also, from that class, I just did a recording session for one of my previous scores for piano trio. For my non-music major friends, a piano trio is a piano, a violin, and cello. The instrumentalists were AMAZING. They sightread all four of our scores in less than 3 hours, and just nailed it. The digital/audio recording class recorded it for us, so it should be really high quality, and I'm pretty excited to add it to my portfolio.
AND, I'm getting really really close to completely finishing the trombone duet I'm working on, and I should be able to finish my string bass/piano duet within the next few weeks. Which is super exciting, I cut it pretty close with finishing my project last semester, so I'm hoping these projects will be done well before the semester ends so I can get feedback on whatever I decide to work on next. We'll see how that all works out though. Between my projects and filmscoring, I'll have written probably 4x more music than I wrote last semester at the very least, so I'm really glad that I'm getting faster and more productive. Plus, it teaches me how to work on more than one piece of music at once; a necessity in the real world of composers when people actually start hiring you for stuff. This all means that I just seem to keep getting busier and busier, but, hey, a busy musician is always a lot happier than one who has no work, projects, and nothing to do.
By the way, this could possibly be my last post from my current laptop. I finally caved and got a Mac. My mom found one for rather cheap, and I'm extremely excited, because I can go buy cool programs like Logic and whatnot that aren't available for PC. What makes me really excited about this is that I'll be able to do some sequencing stuff from the comfort of my dorm room, and I can continue doing student films with it (hopefully) even when my filmscoring class ends at the end of the semester so I can add cool things like that to my portfolio, too. Plus, I have 2 years to pay it off without interest, and am hoping to pay it off by the end of the summer since I'll be working. So, yeah, I'm a pretty happy camper right now. I got the insurance on it that'll even cover a nuclear bomb hitting my computer, so, no matter what I do to it, it should be OK even in my technologically incapable hands.
What I'm getting at with all of this is: Holy crud, I have so many awesome opportunities here that I don't even know what to do with myself. I mean, I know it's a lot of work, and yeah, I don't get paid... BUT, when people keep telling me not to write all this music for free, I feel like I'm really getting a lot out of it. At the very least, I get to add a new original score to my portfolio (which, by the way, having a large, diverse portfolio tends to make grad schools and future employers happy) and at the very most, I sometimes get really awesome, high-quality recordings from some of my fellow awesome, high-quality musicians, and they do that for free for me, too. It's really a win-win.
Plus, I get to write music, which is the greatest gift of all of this. It's just so darn fun sometimes, especially when I'm inspired, and getting to be in an environment where people are willing to bring it to life for me is stinkin' awesome.
I mean, I know this is what undergraduate is for, but, I really don't know what I'm going to end up focusing on compositionally. I really like jazz, performing jazz, and writing for it, so that would be a really cool option... But I've fallen so completely in love with this filmscoring thing, that part of me wants to move to L.A. when I'm done with this and try to make it there. Another part of me wants to go on to get my masters somewhere in Europe (probably the U.K.) and write for orchestra, because I've had a lot of fun writing for it lately. There's a whole bunch of stuff that I'm still interested in, so, I'm just having a hard time deciding what to do. But, hey, I still have a few more years, and I might find something else really cool which will make my decision harder, or I might actually make up my mind. Who knows? It's all part of the adventure, and part of the reason I think composing is so cool. The options are just completely limitless.
So, there it is, my life for the past few weeks. It's been going pretty great, and I'm going to get some sleep now because I don't really do enough of that.
Goodnight!
With love,
Gilmore
P.S. Today's song of the day is...
Below my Feet by Mumford and Sons. It isn't on any of their current albums, but it's super beautiful and I just recently finished arranging a cover to it that I have a lot of fun doing. The link below is to the best version I could find. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHnGJvYmQKg
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Epiphanies.
Hi everybody,
So... It's been awhile since my last post about Andy... And I promise that this will be my last sappy post for awhile, but Andy's passing has made me do a lot of life changing, rearranging, and thinking.
I've decided (as of last week) to drop my Pre-Vet focus. I'm now majoring in Music Education and Music Composition, with a minor in Music Technology.
It's a big change, and I'm still a little bit scared about making it because of the economy and job security and all the reasons that I DID Pre-Vet in the first place. I hate to admit that it took a close friend of mine passing to finally realize what I needed to do, but I like to think that it's just Andy nudging me in the right direction. He taught me that I may not have as much time left here as I think I do, and, as horrible as it is to think in those terms, I need to be prepared for anything. Which is why I decided to do what I love and stop wasting my time with things that won't make me happy.
I realize that I am extremely fortunate to have found something that I'm so passionate about at this young of an age. I realize that some people go lifetimes without ever finding such passions. And I feel that if I don't follow my passion, I'm throwing away a huge gift that God gave me, and in this life, there are really few worse mistakes than that. The greatest part about all of this is that as soon as I finally made the decision, a sense of rightness washed over me, and even though I'm still a bit scared, I feel truly happy with my choice. I hope to one day get my doctorate and become a professor, but I know now that while planning in advance is wise, to make my plans more flexible because life is full of twists and turns, and I need to be able to adjust.
I really do love making music though, and there is no greater feeling that I've experienced yet than finishing a piece, or hearing your music come to life by real musicians for the first time. It's a beautiful and terrifying experience, it makes you feel that you're putting a part of your heart into someone else's hands, but it's exhilarating all the same, and I know that these are moments that I can strive for every day of my life.
Thank you to all of the beautiful friends and family that I have in my life. I'm so blessed to be so loved. It truly awes and humbles me that I have so many people who care about me, and I can't believe how lucky I am.
Andy, thank you for being a guardian angel for me and watching out for me up there. You've made my belief in heaven stronger, because I know that there's no way there isn't another life after this, since I could feel you watching over me these past two weeks. Time heals wounds, sure, but I miss you like crazy, big guy. And I have the feeling that your incredibly large handprint will forever have a place on my soul. Thanks for watching out for me, even when I can't see you.
I'm pretty sure I've posted this song on a previous post, but the lyrics are so relevant to everything I've written that I can't help but share it again. The song is called Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise by the Avett Brothers, and it's super appropriate and uplifting.
With love,
Gilmore
Monday, February 20, 2012
For Andy.
Hey everyone,
Today, I lost a great friend, a guy who looked out for me like I was his little sister, and my favorite grizzly bear. His name was Andy Krueger. He was only 22 for a month when he died today of a massive heart attack that he suffered 3 days ago. I love him like crazy, miss him terribly, and I just want to write a few words in memoriam of this great friend of mine.
I knew about Andy from the very beginning of band camp. He was pretty hard to miss. He was that 6"8 guy who played the piccolo. Yes, I said piccolo. Not tuba. Piccolo. Everybody knew him not only for his commanding physical presence, but for the happiness and joy in life he radiated everywhere he went. I didn't actually talk to him until a few days into band camp when we started charting pre-game (we ran onto the field from the same tunnel), and we became friends.
Every once in awhile (at least 3 times a month), we would get lunch together. As a composer, I have some emotional, tired days. As a composer in marching band, I had a LOT more ridiculously tired days than usual. But every time I would go to band tired, dejected, sick of the horrible weather, or otherwise finding many reasons for not wanting to be there, seeing Andy ALWAYS brightened my day. He knew just how to make me smile and see the positive side of things, would call me out on my crazier moments, and was overall just a fantastic friend.
It's rare to find a person where every single memory that you share with them is a positive one, but, guess what? Every moment I was privileged to spend with Andy was not only "ok", but actually GOOD. Whenever I wanted to complain about how busy my life was, he'd listen, make some joke about me being crazy (these jokes were pretty common), we'd laugh it off, and I'd leave every one of those little conversations feeling completely satisfied without needing to "vent" all of my anger away.
There were also the short jokes. So. Many. Short. Jokes. But, at 5"1, you don't argue your stature with the guy who is 6"8. Just saying. You also may wonder why exactly I called him "my favorite grizzly bear" earlier. This all started when for some reason, I would poke Andy every time I saw him. Like a hibernating bear, you also didn't know how he'd react to this. Sometimes, he'd just poke you back. Sometimes, he'd ignore you. Sometimes, he'd tickle you until your sides hurt. Or, occasionally, he might chase you down, pick you up, throw you over his shoulder and carry you a good distance across campus so you could get stared at by a lot of strangers. Not, like, I'd KNOW about that or anything, I mean, it isn't like it ever happened to me... *cough*
I have one very specific favorite memory that I'd like to share, which will probably cheer you guys up.
The Cornhusker Marching Band traveled with the football team to Orlando, Florida over New Year's. During that time, we marched in a parade. Before the parade, we had a couple hours of down time, hanging out in our uniforms. I was meandering around, talking to people, when, I saw a couple of taller guys (all 6 feet tall and above) running at Andy and chest-bumping him.
Ok, so, I realize I'm one of the shortest people in the whole band, but, for some reason, instead of amusement at these antics, I felt a rather unexpected emotion... Jealousy. Yup. That's right. I decided that I was going to chest bump Andy.
When I offered the challenge, his eyes bugged out a bit and he went, "Caitlin, you have to be kidding me. I'll squish you."
I replied, "No way, dude. I got it. Come at me, bro!" (I also pounded my chest in a very "come at me bro" way, which, let's be honest, was probably just funny and wasn't doing much to intimidate anyone.)
So... The first time, I ran at him and he stood still. I managed to fly about 4 feet back, but I still landed on my feet. Idiot that I am, I felt cheated, so, I told Andy that he had to run at me like he did at the other guys. Andy reluctantly agreed... And I ended up flying pretty high in the air, I would say that my feet were about 3-4 feet above the ground, easily. But, because Andy was always looking out for me, he caught me before I could fall flat on my butt and injure my tailbone before the parade. Because, even though I was being ridiculous, he not only put up with my antics, he saved me from injuring myself by them. We also did this while we were in Universal Studios, out of uniform, but, that time wasn't as completely silly as the first two times. Well, ok, it was still completely silly, but stupid things always seem to look stupider and funnier in a marching band uniform. There IS however, a video of the third chest bump on Facebook, if you'd like a chuckle.
I'm getting off topic. The point is, that's who Andy WAS. A really silly, awesome, hilarious guy who always made you happy, and in the end, you knew would always be there for you. No questions asked. He was wonderful. And every memory I have with him is wonderful. And I'll cherish every single moment I got to spend with him this year. In the short time I knew him, he made an impact on me that'll last forever, unlike a possible bruise from the chest-bumping that went away relatively quickly.
I feel like I'm not saying enough, not nearly enough to honor him, because there are just too many great things to honor and remember about Andy Krueger. But, I'm doing my damnedest to let all of you know, even those of you who didn't know Andy very well or at all, that the world lost one of the best human beings I've ever had the honor to call my friend.
Andy, this last part is just for you.
You were such a good friend to me. Your life and passing has taught me to cherish every moment even more, work harder, choose to have a positive attitude always, and to love. Not like I've been loving, but to love the world and everyone in it with every fiber of my being, and when I get hurt, to take it all in stride. The most important thing you taught me is this: Never lose sight of all the beauty that is in the world and its people. For God's sake, this is the best lesson ever as a composer, and as a person. If I can remember this simple thing, I'll have you to thank for truly unlimited inspiration.
Heaven got really lucky today, they get to keep one of the biggest, best, most beautiful souls of anyone I've ever known.
God, take Andy Krueger into your arms. He deserves nothing less. And, go ahead and give him a huge bear hug, so he can know what it feels like to be small for a little while. I'm sure it'll be pretty disorienting for him.
With all my love,
Gilmore
P.S. A big thank you to Michael Harper, Kyle Sass, Alex Lucier, and Jared Gamble for cheering me up and letting me cry and holding me and loving me and letting me know that I have some of the most amazing friends anyone could ever have. I love you guys, even though I know you hate mushy sentimental crap. :)
R.I.P. Andy Krueger. 2/20/2012
Today, I lost a great friend, a guy who looked out for me like I was his little sister, and my favorite grizzly bear. His name was Andy Krueger. He was only 22 for a month when he died today of a massive heart attack that he suffered 3 days ago. I love him like crazy, miss him terribly, and I just want to write a few words in memoriam of this great friend of mine.
I knew about Andy from the very beginning of band camp. He was pretty hard to miss. He was that 6"8 guy who played the piccolo. Yes, I said piccolo. Not tuba. Piccolo. Everybody knew him not only for his commanding physical presence, but for the happiness and joy in life he radiated everywhere he went. I didn't actually talk to him until a few days into band camp when we started charting pre-game (we ran onto the field from the same tunnel), and we became friends.
Every once in awhile (at least 3 times a month), we would get lunch together. As a composer, I have some emotional, tired days. As a composer in marching band, I had a LOT more ridiculously tired days than usual. But every time I would go to band tired, dejected, sick of the horrible weather, or otherwise finding many reasons for not wanting to be there, seeing Andy ALWAYS brightened my day. He knew just how to make me smile and see the positive side of things, would call me out on my crazier moments, and was overall just a fantastic friend.
It's rare to find a person where every single memory that you share with them is a positive one, but, guess what? Every moment I was privileged to spend with Andy was not only "ok", but actually GOOD. Whenever I wanted to complain about how busy my life was, he'd listen, make some joke about me being crazy (these jokes were pretty common), we'd laugh it off, and I'd leave every one of those little conversations feeling completely satisfied without needing to "vent" all of my anger away.
There were also the short jokes. So. Many. Short. Jokes. But, at 5"1, you don't argue your stature with the guy who is 6"8. Just saying. You also may wonder why exactly I called him "my favorite grizzly bear" earlier. This all started when for some reason, I would poke Andy every time I saw him. Like a hibernating bear, you also didn't know how he'd react to this. Sometimes, he'd just poke you back. Sometimes, he'd ignore you. Sometimes, he'd tickle you until your sides hurt. Or, occasionally, he might chase you down, pick you up, throw you over his shoulder and carry you a good distance across campus so you could get stared at by a lot of strangers. Not, like, I'd KNOW about that or anything, I mean, it isn't like it ever happened to me... *cough*
I have one very specific favorite memory that I'd like to share, which will probably cheer you guys up.
The Cornhusker Marching Band traveled with the football team to Orlando, Florida over New Year's. During that time, we marched in a parade. Before the parade, we had a couple hours of down time, hanging out in our uniforms. I was meandering around, talking to people, when, I saw a couple of taller guys (all 6 feet tall and above) running at Andy and chest-bumping him.
Ok, so, I realize I'm one of the shortest people in the whole band, but, for some reason, instead of amusement at these antics, I felt a rather unexpected emotion... Jealousy. Yup. That's right. I decided that I was going to chest bump Andy.
When I offered the challenge, his eyes bugged out a bit and he went, "Caitlin, you have to be kidding me. I'll squish you."
I replied, "No way, dude. I got it. Come at me, bro!" (I also pounded my chest in a very "come at me bro" way, which, let's be honest, was probably just funny and wasn't doing much to intimidate anyone.)
So... The first time, I ran at him and he stood still. I managed to fly about 4 feet back, but I still landed on my feet. Idiot that I am, I felt cheated, so, I told Andy that he had to run at me like he did at the other guys. Andy reluctantly agreed... And I ended up flying pretty high in the air, I would say that my feet were about 3-4 feet above the ground, easily. But, because Andy was always looking out for me, he caught me before I could fall flat on my butt and injure my tailbone before the parade. Because, even though I was being ridiculous, he not only put up with my antics, he saved me from injuring myself by them. We also did this while we were in Universal Studios, out of uniform, but, that time wasn't as completely silly as the first two times. Well, ok, it was still completely silly, but stupid things always seem to look stupider and funnier in a marching band uniform. There IS however, a video of the third chest bump on Facebook, if you'd like a chuckle.
I'm getting off topic. The point is, that's who Andy WAS. A really silly, awesome, hilarious guy who always made you happy, and in the end, you knew would always be there for you. No questions asked. He was wonderful. And every memory I have with him is wonderful. And I'll cherish every single moment I got to spend with him this year. In the short time I knew him, he made an impact on me that'll last forever, unlike a possible bruise from the chest-bumping that went away relatively quickly.
I feel like I'm not saying enough, not nearly enough to honor him, because there are just too many great things to honor and remember about Andy Krueger. But, I'm doing my damnedest to let all of you know, even those of you who didn't know Andy very well or at all, that the world lost one of the best human beings I've ever had the honor to call my friend.
Andy, this last part is just for you.
You were such a good friend to me. Your life and passing has taught me to cherish every moment even more, work harder, choose to have a positive attitude always, and to love. Not like I've been loving, but to love the world and everyone in it with every fiber of my being, and when I get hurt, to take it all in stride. The most important thing you taught me is this: Never lose sight of all the beauty that is in the world and its people. For God's sake, this is the best lesson ever as a composer, and as a person. If I can remember this simple thing, I'll have you to thank for truly unlimited inspiration.
Heaven got really lucky today, they get to keep one of the biggest, best, most beautiful souls of anyone I've ever known.
God, take Andy Krueger into your arms. He deserves nothing less. And, go ahead and give him a huge bear hug, so he can know what it feels like to be small for a little while. I'm sure it'll be pretty disorienting for him.
With all my love,
Gilmore
P.S. A big thank you to Michael Harper, Kyle Sass, Alex Lucier, and Jared Gamble for cheering me up and letting me cry and holding me and loving me and letting me know that I have some of the most amazing friends anyone could ever have. I love you guys, even though I know you hate mushy sentimental crap. :)
R.I.P. Andy Krueger. 2/20/2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Those Damn Young'uns...
Aloha, readers!
Alright, I've got a question for everyone... What in the hell happened to American music and dancing?!
Seriously. This has been bothering me since approximately my junior year in high school, and I'm going to give you an extensive list of the reasons why.
1) Maybe I'm just not "with the times," but do tell me, since when is a DJ playing canned music better than hiring a live band at clubs, school dances, etc.? Now, this is by no means meant to offend DJs who are actually good and mix their own tracks, and you know, DO SOMETHING besides occasionally hitting the spacebar while going through the top 40. I have a special place in my heart for electronica, dubstep, and techno, and can appreciate a sick beat just as much as, if not more than, the next guy. But come on, if someone gets paid 500+ dollars to sit there on their laptop hitting a freaking spacebar... They can gtfo. That requires no talent, and we don't need trash in the entertainment industry when there's true talent out there. Which brings me to my next point...
2) Why in the world is it not only ok, but almost encouraged, for the somewhat attractive, non-musically talented person to get a hit on the radio? I mean, really, there's entertainment value in Keh-dollarsign-hah and LMFAO and those like them, but COME ON. They don't even orchestrate their own music 99.9% of the time. Some other dude usually gets stuck writing the song, putting down the beat, and they take all the credit. Plus, their music is trashy and usually makes me feel like trash when I have to listen to it. Especially as a music major, it really bothers me that I'm surrounded by people who are just outrageously talented, practice forever, and I know that just because they play REAL music, they will never achieve the mainstream success that the aforementioned have. People may argue, "Well, they're good club hits because we can dance to them." I counter with:
3). Swing dancing. Salsa. Tango. Waltz. The Twist and everything from the 60's. A bajillion other things that I'm not mentioning. THAT is DANCING, people. Grinding is not actually dancing. At. All. It really does not require skill. And you know what else? Maybe America would be more willing to lose weight if, when they wanted to go out DANCING and have fun, they'd learn to do something as strenuous and physically demanding as, say, the jitterbug, because that certainly burns more calories than rubbing your body against someone else's body. Just saying.
4) I'm a bit biased as a saxophonist and jazz singer here, but I'm just going to throw this out there... Why do more people not listen to jazz? Aside from being aesthetically pleasing, it takes SKILL, is a very versatile genre, you can slow dance and swing dance to it, and is all around just freaking awesome. Why does Wynton Marsalis not get played in the top 40 vs. Taylor Swift? Seriously?! She literally writes every song about practically the same thing, using most of the same chord progressions, and, when she's feeling crazy, she might change the key. Whoop-de-freaking-doo. I could write a song similar to hers in less than 5 minutes, but will I? NO. Why? Because I have STANDARDS as a MUSICIAN, people. Music isn't just a means to get famous for me, as it SHOULDN'T be for those who truly love it. It's my PASSION. Not nearly enough artists these days write music for the love of music itself, they just produce and produce and produce more and more trash so they can become famous. Fame should NOT be the motivation behind anything, especially something as beautiful, profound, and moving as music can be.
5) Now, I'm not suggesting that all good music is complicated music. Far from it. Some of the best music uses simple harmonic structures and chord progressions, but can still be very profound. For example, Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." Lyrically, one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. "Let it Be," by the Beatles. Also, another lyrical beauty, and it uses only 4 chords. Anything by the composer Philip Glass. He pretty much started a new genre, minimalism, on his own, and his music is extremely contemplative and beautiful, but normally very simple. What sets these apart from, say, Taylor Swift? (If you can't tell, I hate her music, as well as Miley Cyrus' (gag) more than pretty much any artist out there, period.) I don't know, they're not either:
A) In Ms. Swift's case, just whining about problems or talking about my boyfriend.
B) In Miley's case, just plain stupid as hell. She sang Party in the USA without knowing who Jay-Z was, and for God's sake, if you're going to perform music, KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT. For all that is good and holy, don't desecrate this purest of artforms like that.
But the real reason that the examples I listed are better than these two popular leading ladies is this: Music is something that needs to be personal, and come from the heart. It is something that rises from inside of you, and can be powerful enough to burn down the world or raise it up in glory...
I'm sure Taylor was really feeling heartbroken when she was writing however many songs she wrote about the subject, but frankly, her emotions seem extremely petty and immature and that's why I hate her music, not because it isn't personal, but because the personality in her music just leaves much to be desired.
Ok, so, I've kind of gotten myself worked up here, not gonna lie, and am going to leave this and drink a cup of hot chocolate and forget about why the world is making me sad.
Today's song of the day, something I consider real music, is called Typhoon by Young the Giant. It's a beautifully crafted song, and it leaves something for music majors (glorious countermelodies and harmonies!) to enjoy, and for those of you who aren't, just a really really pretty song to listen to. By the way, you don't actually need to be a musician to enjoy most of the music I listen to, just someone who actually likes music.
Anyway, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2XjNZz19uw
Thanks for reading this rant, I hope it entertained you.
With love,
Gilmore
Alright, I've got a question for everyone... What in the hell happened to American music and dancing?!
Seriously. This has been bothering me since approximately my junior year in high school, and I'm going to give you an extensive list of the reasons why.
1) Maybe I'm just not "with the times," but do tell me, since when is a DJ playing canned music better than hiring a live band at clubs, school dances, etc.? Now, this is by no means meant to offend DJs who are actually good and mix their own tracks, and you know, DO SOMETHING besides occasionally hitting the spacebar while going through the top 40. I have a special place in my heart for electronica, dubstep, and techno, and can appreciate a sick beat just as much as, if not more than, the next guy. But come on, if someone gets paid 500+ dollars to sit there on their laptop hitting a freaking spacebar... They can gtfo. That requires no talent, and we don't need trash in the entertainment industry when there's true talent out there. Which brings me to my next point...
2) Why in the world is it not only ok, but almost encouraged, for the somewhat attractive, non-musically talented person to get a hit on the radio? I mean, really, there's entertainment value in Keh-dollarsign-hah and LMFAO and those like them, but COME ON. They don't even orchestrate their own music 99.9% of the time. Some other dude usually gets stuck writing the song, putting down the beat, and they take all the credit. Plus, their music is trashy and usually makes me feel like trash when I have to listen to it. Especially as a music major, it really bothers me that I'm surrounded by people who are just outrageously talented, practice forever, and I know that just because they play REAL music, they will never achieve the mainstream success that the aforementioned have. People may argue, "Well, they're good club hits because we can dance to them." I counter with:
3). Swing dancing. Salsa. Tango. Waltz. The Twist and everything from the 60's. A bajillion other things that I'm not mentioning. THAT is DANCING, people. Grinding is not actually dancing. At. All. It really does not require skill. And you know what else? Maybe America would be more willing to lose weight if, when they wanted to go out DANCING and have fun, they'd learn to do something as strenuous and physically demanding as, say, the jitterbug, because that certainly burns more calories than rubbing your body against someone else's body. Just saying.
4) I'm a bit biased as a saxophonist and jazz singer here, but I'm just going to throw this out there... Why do more people not listen to jazz? Aside from being aesthetically pleasing, it takes SKILL, is a very versatile genre, you can slow dance and swing dance to it, and is all around just freaking awesome. Why does Wynton Marsalis not get played in the top 40 vs. Taylor Swift? Seriously?! She literally writes every song about practically the same thing, using most of the same chord progressions, and, when she's feeling crazy, she might change the key. Whoop-de-freaking-doo. I could write a song similar to hers in less than 5 minutes, but will I? NO. Why? Because I have STANDARDS as a MUSICIAN, people. Music isn't just a means to get famous for me, as it SHOULDN'T be for those who truly love it. It's my PASSION. Not nearly enough artists these days write music for the love of music itself, they just produce and produce and produce more and more trash so they can become famous. Fame should NOT be the motivation behind anything, especially something as beautiful, profound, and moving as music can be.
5) Now, I'm not suggesting that all good music is complicated music. Far from it. Some of the best music uses simple harmonic structures and chord progressions, but can still be very profound. For example, Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." Lyrically, one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. "Let it Be," by the Beatles. Also, another lyrical beauty, and it uses only 4 chords. Anything by the composer Philip Glass. He pretty much started a new genre, minimalism, on his own, and his music is extremely contemplative and beautiful, but normally very simple. What sets these apart from, say, Taylor Swift? (If you can't tell, I hate her music, as well as Miley Cyrus' (gag) more than pretty much any artist out there, period.) I don't know, they're not either:
A) In Ms. Swift's case, just whining about problems or talking about my boyfriend.
B) In Miley's case, just plain stupid as hell. She sang Party in the USA without knowing who Jay-Z was, and for God's sake, if you're going to perform music, KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT. For all that is good and holy, don't desecrate this purest of artforms like that.
But the real reason that the examples I listed are better than these two popular leading ladies is this: Music is something that needs to be personal, and come from the heart. It is something that rises from inside of you, and can be powerful enough to burn down the world or raise it up in glory...
I'm sure Taylor was really feeling heartbroken when she was writing however many songs she wrote about the subject, but frankly, her emotions seem extremely petty and immature and that's why I hate her music, not because it isn't personal, but because the personality in her music just leaves much to be desired.
Ok, so, I've kind of gotten myself worked up here, not gonna lie, and am going to leave this and drink a cup of hot chocolate and forget about why the world is making me sad.
Today's song of the day, something I consider real music, is called Typhoon by Young the Giant. It's a beautifully crafted song, and it leaves something for music majors (glorious countermelodies and harmonies!) to enjoy, and for those of you who aren't, just a really really pretty song to listen to. By the way, you don't actually need to be a musician to enjoy most of the music I listen to, just someone who actually likes music.
Anyway, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2XjNZz19uw
Thanks for reading this rant, I hope it entertained you.
With love,
Gilmore
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Potpourri.
Hello beautiful internet people!
So, it's been about a week and a half since my last post, and, to be honest, I haven't really been able to focus on anything lately. After a crazy weekend last weekend, and an even crazier night on Friday, it's high time that I start decompressing and getting my thoughts in order. In fact, my scatterbrained-ness has been showing in my composing. I've started about 6 new pieces of music, and I've written at least a page or two in all of them before finding no motivation to continue them or just throwing them away. This is kind of problematic, especially since I need to nail down what I'm doing for my semester project, keep working on my big band chart, finish a choral arrangement, write a trombone duet, and write about an hour of music for my filmscoring class this semester... Oh, and I still need to get last semester's project recorded. Yikes.
Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a composition major and a composer and wouldn't trade it for the world... But no matter how far ahead I work in any class or get in any composition, I'm technically forever behind. Seriously. As a perfectionist and a person who hates procrastinating, this is stressing me out big time. I know that the rest of my life is probably going to be like this, but still... It's a bit crazy. Seriously though, I would much rather have this craziness than be bored doing something else, so, I guess I can't really complain... Except I just did. Whoops. My bad.
Other than my attention span apparently deciding to take a 2-week (hopefully not longer) vacation, my life has been pretty great. Nebrasketball won a fantastic game against Indiana by 1 point, and I got to be the lucky kid playing synthesizer when it happened, which is pretty awesome. All of my classes are relevant to what my future plans are, and most of them are not only relevant but really really fun. I'm busy, but a good kind of busy, because I realize that if I completely sucked at composing, people would probably not be asking me to write them things. Meaning, I'm at least somewhat competent, which makes me a happy camper because I can only get better thanks to the awesome professors and extremely talented people I get to call my friends helping me out along the way.
I keep thinking back to the word that my professor, Dr. Lee, used when we were talking about how I ended up at UNL: Serendipity. Which, for those of you who don't know, means a happy accident. I used to think that I would hate staying in Nebraska, because at the end of my senior year of high school, I really hated this state and the small-town feel of everything. I now realize that having gone to Hillsdale, though still a great opportunity, would have probably just given me the same problems in a different geographic location. This is a nice balance before I have to go out into the real world and make a living, and I know that this is probably going to be the smallest town I end up living in for the rest of my life. So, I intend to make the most of it, and am actually more than happy that I'm here.
A song that I think sums this up, and that I've been listening to a lot lately: We Are Young by Fun. Featuring Janelle Monae. This song is really great to harmonize to (coughcough fellow music majors coughcough), and is just catchy and awesome and fresh and cool, so you should listen to it and be happy. I'm not personally a Glee fan, but I hear tell that they covered this song, which is cool, because I love seeing not-so-mainstream bands like this one getting exposure like that. I've yet to hear the Glee version, but here is the original. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv6dMFF_yts
Thank you to those of you who actually read these, hopefully I get around to writing again before the month is out. But, if I don't, know that I'm really busy and regret not keeping you updated, but that the next post will be more juicy than this one if that's the case.
With love,
Gilmore
So, it's been about a week and a half since my last post, and, to be honest, I haven't really been able to focus on anything lately. After a crazy weekend last weekend, and an even crazier night on Friday, it's high time that I start decompressing and getting my thoughts in order. In fact, my scatterbrained-ness has been showing in my composing. I've started about 6 new pieces of music, and I've written at least a page or two in all of them before finding no motivation to continue them or just throwing them away. This is kind of problematic, especially since I need to nail down what I'm doing for my semester project, keep working on my big band chart, finish a choral arrangement, write a trombone duet, and write about an hour of music for my filmscoring class this semester... Oh, and I still need to get last semester's project recorded. Yikes.
Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a composition major and a composer and wouldn't trade it for the world... But no matter how far ahead I work in any class or get in any composition, I'm technically forever behind. Seriously. As a perfectionist and a person who hates procrastinating, this is stressing me out big time. I know that the rest of my life is probably going to be like this, but still... It's a bit crazy. Seriously though, I would much rather have this craziness than be bored doing something else, so, I guess I can't really complain... Except I just did. Whoops. My bad.
Other than my attention span apparently deciding to take a 2-week (hopefully not longer) vacation, my life has been pretty great. Nebrasketball won a fantastic game against Indiana by 1 point, and I got to be the lucky kid playing synthesizer when it happened, which is pretty awesome. All of my classes are relevant to what my future plans are, and most of them are not only relevant but really really fun. I'm busy, but a good kind of busy, because I realize that if I completely sucked at composing, people would probably not be asking me to write them things. Meaning, I'm at least somewhat competent, which makes me a happy camper because I can only get better thanks to the awesome professors and extremely talented people I get to call my friends helping me out along the way.
I keep thinking back to the word that my professor, Dr. Lee, used when we were talking about how I ended up at UNL: Serendipity. Which, for those of you who don't know, means a happy accident. I used to think that I would hate staying in Nebraska, because at the end of my senior year of high school, I really hated this state and the small-town feel of everything. I now realize that having gone to Hillsdale, though still a great opportunity, would have probably just given me the same problems in a different geographic location. This is a nice balance before I have to go out into the real world and make a living, and I know that this is probably going to be the smallest town I end up living in for the rest of my life. So, I intend to make the most of it, and am actually more than happy that I'm here.
A song that I think sums this up, and that I've been listening to a lot lately: We Are Young by Fun. Featuring Janelle Monae. This song is really great to harmonize to (coughcough fellow music majors coughcough), and is just catchy and awesome and fresh and cool, so you should listen to it and be happy. I'm not personally a Glee fan, but I hear tell that they covered this song, which is cool, because I love seeing not-so-mainstream bands like this one getting exposure like that. I've yet to hear the Glee version, but here is the original. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv6dMFF_yts
Thank you to those of you who actually read these, hopefully I get around to writing again before the month is out. But, if I don't, know that I'm really busy and regret not keeping you updated, but that the next post will be more juicy than this one if that's the case.
With love,
Gilmore
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
An Enormous Amount of Awesome.
Buongiorno, amici!
Well, it's nearing the end of the second day of my second semester in college. I'm rather excited for the rest of this one. Since I enjoy lists and thinking in lists and writing lists, here's a lovely numbered collection of all the reasons I'm thinking this will be a great semester.
1) I don't have to get up at 6am. Instead, I wake up at the much more reasonable hour of 7am, and this makes me very happy.
2) I'm taking filmscoring with 3 pretty cool dudes, and I have a pretty cool professor. Yeah, our class is only made of 4 people. So much win.
3) I'm taking Organismic Biology instead of AgriScience for my science class this semester, and this is actually something I'm interested in/pertains to my major.
4) My theory and aural skills classes are filled with some pretty fantastic people.
5) I'm playing synthesizer for Big Red Express, which is rather fun and I'm realizing is not something I should have been worried about.
6) I'm getting more than 2 hours of sleep a night (so far, knock on wood).
7) At some point this semester, I'll hopefully be singing with either the UNL jazz orchestra or Big Band. Which is definitely one of the most amazing, wonderful opportunities ever.
8) I got to pick the song/key of what I'm doing for 7), plus, I get to arrange it.
9) My professors all seem pretty awesome, some I've had before, and the new ones are pretty great, too.
10) I will actually have all the textbooks I need by Friday.
11) Jazz choir gets to travel this semester!
12) I (might) get to travel with Big Red Express this semester!
13) I (might) get to go to Chicago over spring break to watch The Black Keys in concert!
14) I'm getting progressively more excited as I type this list!
15) I have a crazy amount of fantastic opportunities as a musician here, and my biggest problem is having time to pursue all of them. I seriously feel limited only by how much work I put in, and not by other people or circumstances, and it's a fantastic feeling to have that I never had in Columbus.
16) There are seriously a lot more, but I don't think I have time to write it all.
So there you go, a list of why this semester is probably going to be my best semester of school to date. I'm extremely happy with my life right now. And, I also have wonderful friends and family who are the cream cheese frosting to my carrot cake of happiness.
The song of the day today is: Are You Gonna Be My Girl, by the band Jet. It's a rather old song, but a good one, and it's happy and makes me even happier. So here it is. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuK6n2Lkza0&ob=av3e
With love,
Gilmore
Well, it's nearing the end of the second day of my second semester in college. I'm rather excited for the rest of this one. Since I enjoy lists and thinking in lists and writing lists, here's a lovely numbered collection of all the reasons I'm thinking this will be a great semester.
1) I don't have to get up at 6am. Instead, I wake up at the much more reasonable hour of 7am, and this makes me very happy.
2) I'm taking filmscoring with 3 pretty cool dudes, and I have a pretty cool professor. Yeah, our class is only made of 4 people. So much win.
3) I'm taking Organismic Biology instead of AgriScience for my science class this semester, and this is actually something I'm interested in/pertains to my major.
4) My theory and aural skills classes are filled with some pretty fantastic people.
5) I'm playing synthesizer for Big Red Express, which is rather fun and I'm realizing is not something I should have been worried about.
6) I'm getting more than 2 hours of sleep a night (so far, knock on wood).
7) At some point this semester, I'll hopefully be singing with either the UNL jazz orchestra or Big Band. Which is definitely one of the most amazing, wonderful opportunities ever.
8) I got to pick the song/key of what I'm doing for 7), plus, I get to arrange it.
9) My professors all seem pretty awesome, some I've had before, and the new ones are pretty great, too.
10) I will actually have all the textbooks I need by Friday.
11) Jazz choir gets to travel this semester!
12) I (might) get to travel with Big Red Express this semester!
13) I (might) get to go to Chicago over spring break to watch The Black Keys in concert!
14) I'm getting progressively more excited as I type this list!
15) I have a crazy amount of fantastic opportunities as a musician here, and my biggest problem is having time to pursue all of them. I seriously feel limited only by how much work I put in, and not by other people or circumstances, and it's a fantastic feeling to have that I never had in Columbus.
16) There are seriously a lot more, but I don't think I have time to write it all.
So there you go, a list of why this semester is probably going to be my best semester of school to date. I'm extremely happy with my life right now. And, I also have wonderful friends and family who are the cream cheese frosting to my carrot cake of happiness.
The song of the day today is: Are You Gonna Be My Girl, by the band Jet. It's a rather old song, but a good one, and it's happy and makes me even happier. So here it is. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuK6n2Lkza0&ob=av3e
With love,
Gilmore
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